What Is Ghosting?

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What is ghost?

Ghosting is a relatively new colloquial dating term that refers to abruptly cutting off contact with someone without giving that person any warning or explanation about doing so. Even when the person being approached by the specter to re-initiate contact or initiate closure, they are met with silence. As you can see, it’s called ghosting because it involves someone essentially “disappearing” into thin air as if they were a ghost.

The term is often used to refer to a romantic relationship, but technically it can refer to any situation where communication abruptly ceases, including friendships and relationships. family.

History of ghosts

The term “ghost” became popular about seven years ago with the rise of online dating; it became an official entry in the Merriam-Webster dictionary in 2017. What is interesting, however, is that the term has actually been in use since the 1990s. Several pop culture writers and scholars even used the term to describe the ghostwriting technique in hip-hop music.

Bree Jenkins, LMFT

The word ‘ghost’ became popular a long time ago [2017] through 90s hip-hop, often connoting escapism.

– Bree Jenkins, LMFT

Although a new term, the act of ghosting existed long before the digital age. “I think the mentions of ‘go for a loaf of bread and never come back’ are examples of ghosting,” says Bree Jenkins, LMFT, a dating coach in Los Angeles, Calif. don’t leave [them with] your contact information — its former origins were even the simple act of leaving a party or social gathering without notice and goodbye. ”

How the term became popular

So why has the term “ghost” become mainstream in just the past decade? The argument is that online dating simply makes ghosts easier.

With a higher frequency of ghosting and with more people being able to relate/understand ghosting or performing ghosting, the term has become widely accepted.

Why do some people choose Ghost?

There are two main reasons why one person becomes a ghost to another, and often it’s a combination of the two.

It’s the easy way

The first is that some people find that the easier way to ghost someone (in the short term, anyway) is to have an awkward, upset heart about why you’re not interested in staying in touch. .

Ghosters often want to avoid confronting or dealing with the hurt feelings of others, so they simply stop communicating and hope the hint is passed on.

Option overload and fatigue

As Margaret Seide, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist based in New York City, explains, “With internet dating, it seems like a multitude of options instead of walking into a bar and There are limited options.

“Because there are so many options, online data providers are quick to say ‘OK, next’ or ‘Yeah, but what else?’ “Sometimes one person is good enough, but juggling a few other people and that person didn’t succeed,” says Seide.

How can ghosts affect ghosts

As you can imagine or know from personal experience, ghosts can have a real psychological impact on the person being haunted.

Bree Jenkins, LMFT

It’s almost like a sudden loss [or] grief, especially the first time you are haunted. You’re shocked, and you deny it, thinking things like ‘maybe they didn’t see my messages.’ Then you feel angry.

– Bree Jenkins, LMFT

Jenkins added, “Next, feeling depressed [can] lead to feelings of low self-esteem as you rethink your relationship and last conversation for possible warning signs. ”

Working to overcome grief after being haunted

The cycle of grief may not be exact, but being haunted often triggers a range of different emotions. Thinking ‘Not only does that person not want to date me, I don’t even deserve an explanation’ can make someone feel dehumanized and devalued.

It’s usually more painful when it’s a slightly seasoned relationship, but the haunted person can feel the same way if it’s a new relationship. It may take some time to get over the pain, but with acceptance, the haunted person can move on.

To get some closure in a situation where you feel haunted, Meide says it can be helpful to send a message by saying something like, “Hey, I haven’t heard from you. in a period of time. I’m not sure what happened, but I don’t want to continue pursuing this. My time is valuable and I don’t want to leave this door open. Good luck with everything. “Although the ghoul may be unresponsive, it can help close the door.

How can ghosts affect ghosts

Ghosting doesn’t just affect ghosted; It’s also harmful to the vampire. The bottom line here is that ghosting is either a passively aggressive way to end a relationship, or it’s an “easy way out”. Either way, it doesn’t benefit the vampires in their ability to communicate with others.

“Ghosting doesn’t take into account how you affect the other person, and it makes it easy for that person to withdraw or give up when things get uncomfortable. There’s no way to have a healthy, long-term relationship without being able to work through your problems and use your communication skills, says Jenkins.

Jenkins added that ghosts create unhealthy problem-solving patterns for themselves, and they also contribute to a more disordered social pattern, increasing their chances of being possessed.

Alternatives to Ghosting Someone

Avoiding the easy path of someone’s ghost will benefit both parties. Meide says the best thing you can do at the end of a relationship, long or short, is to treat the other person the way you want to be treated.

“I usually recommend two tablespoons of sugar with pills in between for delivery,” says Meide. “It might sound like, ‘Hey, you sound like a really great catch, but I just don’t feel like it works between us. I respect your time and just want to be honest. Respect and care. ‘

“Or, ‘Hi — great to meet you, but I’ve decided to take a break from dating and don’t want to waste your time or be dishonest. Good luck with everything.'”

These messages are short, sweet, honest, and end with quotes to signal that you don’t want a long and drawn-out conversation. You’ll probably get a negative or hurtful reaction from the other person, but it’s better to exit the relationship after giving an explanation than to fall completely into the specter.

Is it ever okay to ghost someone?

In many cases, ghosting is seen as a rude way to go when trying not to talk to someone anymore, or especially when ending a serious or established relationship. However, there are certainly exceptions — when further communication can be a bad thing or even potentially unsafe.

Situations where ghosting can be significant are if you find out that the person is married or in a relationship, engaging in illegal or unprofitable behavior, or if they have certain characteristics. toxic point.In such cases, you don’t owe the person an explanation for the sudden end of the relationship.

If you’re uncomfortable or feel threatened in any way by someone, remember that it’s best to follow your gut instincts. You may simply have a bad feeling. In cases like these, you don’t have to prove that the person “deserve” to be a ghost – ghosting can be a useful tool for self-protection and peace of mind.

If you feel like it’s in your best interest to cut off contact with the person in question completely, don’t let guilt keep you from doing what’s right for you and what will ultimately keep you safe. whole.

A very good word

Ghosting has become more common in the digital age, but just because something is easy or common doesn’t mean it’s always the ideal path to take. Consider how ghosting can affect both parties and do your best to be kind and honest with others. If you’re a haunted person, you’ll feel confused, sad, and angry. Sending a quick letter to end the relationship yourself can help you regain your sense of power and confidence in yourself and help you close the relationship.

However, if you feel threatened or extremely annoyed by someone, you don’t owe them anything. Sometimes shadowing, when used carefully, can be a healthy self-protection and get you out of a potentially bad situation.

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